As I grow older, I realize that so many things I worried about no longer matter. Modesty was a virtue until you find yourself in a room full of nurses. Two of them, holding you down, one counting the pace of your breaths and another, wiping the shit off your ass as all of them cheer you on to “Push,” because the baby’s crowning. The promise of life and all its messy parts!

As I grow older, I see the true wisdom of sunscreen, not only because everyone’s free to wear it, as Baz Luhrmann suggested. Freckles turn to sunspots, turn to moles, turn to other things. But I’m not really talking about freckles….

As I grow older, I wonder: how was it that I knew everything when I was 15, yet know nothing at 50? At least now I know what I don’t know and what I admit to not knowing is a kind of wisdom in itself, I suppose.

As I grow older, I see all the mistakes my children are going to make and realize I can’t do anything about it. If I’m lucky, I’ll be there to pick up the pieces and provide some cushion to their fall; but mostly, the pain is in the witnessing. Helplessly. The comfort is knowing that this is what builds character.

As I grow older, I know enough to know that things work out in the end. Patience and a willingness to fall flat on your face go a long way. There are many twists and turns; and even roads that lead to nowhere. But there is always a way out so long as you don’t build walls.

As I grow older, I know that the world is round and sometimes our lives get turned upside-down. Yet it cycles on and on. And so should I.

© 2019 b.cisek